<b>Realization #1:</b> I put entirely too much emphasis on my weight in terms of what the scale says. I know this. But I can't seem to shake it. I know my pants fit better. I know that I have more or less dropped down another size. But the thought that my weight loss was inaccurate is literally enough to make me cry. I felt so close to my goal, and now it's even further away.

I'm not sure what I need to do to get past this fixation though. I'm tempted to just get rid of the scale completely. But honestly, seeing my progress is definitely a motivating factor for me. I need to see that number going down to get that little boost to keep going. I don't really know how to progress.

<b>Realization #2:</b> I feel entirely too dependent on a drug that may or may not be helping me. Adipex is supposed to help control your appetite, and give you a boost of energy. It really does seem to help most days. However. The other thing it does to me, is cause extreme anxiety, mood swings, and irriatibility. I have cried more in the past two weeks since I've been back on them than I have in the past few months combined. For absolutely no reason.
They make me feel fantastic on the outside, very peppy, and confident about what I'm eating. But.
They generally make me feel awful on the inside. Nervous about everything.

The smart me says to stop taking them. Which I haven't in two days. And I definitely feel like my appetite has increased. But that got me thinking how much of that is in my head because I'm no longer taking them, you know. Like the placebo effect...I wonder if I felt less hungry because I thought I was supposed to feel less hungry. And likewise, I felt hungrier today because I knew I didn't have the pill in my system. Ugh.
Anyway.

I lost weight before without an aid, so I know I can do it again without one, too.

<Realization #3:</b> Regardless of how much you know about fitness and nutrition, regardless of how simple the idea of losing weight seems....it's really. Freaking. Hard.